I’m tired, I’m in pain. I feel like I’m in limbo.

I am waiting for my referrals to come through trying to be patient but it’s hard. I always always just feel like when I’ve seen the doctor the problem will fix itself over night.. but obviously it doesn’t! I am numb. I don’t know how to cope to with being like this. I want to be in recovery and on the road to getting better but I’m not. I am feeling more and more like a failure daily because I am unable to work and very rarely able to leave the house to be social.

I know I’m not eating properly and I know this is a major contender with my mood aswell.. but I’m going to try my best to eat!!

I miss my old self.

This is hard

That is a rough exact of what my brain says to this matter.I just want to say whatever your doing on the internet, think before you hit enter in a world of screen shots it can be an extremely hard, embarrassing place. Protect yourself and remember if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, don’t say it online. Spread love and positivity in this world of hate so that hopefully tomorrow can be a better place

Feeling heart broken.. vulnerable .. and very alone. Today’s thought of the day is so simple I need to learn who I am before I trust any one else. My past, my history and my current state are my own. No one else’s. I’m struggling, I’ve been low and stressed out my mind for days now.. I’m so just disappointed in myself, so devastated that I’m so stupid.

I need to spend time soul searching, sitting outside, walking, listening to music.

It’s time to find out who I am, I don’t know where this journey will take me or if I will come back,

But I love you All.

That is a rough exact of what my brain says to this matter.I just want to say whatever your doing on the internet, think before you hit enter in a world of screen shots it can be an extremely hard, embarrassing place. Protect yourself and remember if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, don’t say it online. Spread love and positivity in this world of hate so that hopefully tomorrow can be a better place

Hello my lovely’s!

I hope you’re all well this late Sunday evening.

Today I have hard a bad today, to end my bad week. I’ve come to my other house as I’m not allowed to be fully home alone. My family and my other family all agree that it’s best I’m not alone.

This has upset me, I know I shouldn’t be left alone because I do cut and have meltdowns but I would prefer the choice to move from house to house was my choice. I have no control in my own life, I am always told what to do and no decision are my own. This has been a very painful situation to learn.

I’ve also been in so much pain today I’ve barely been able to sit up let alone do anything else!

I worked though the pain as much as I could but it beat me in the end.

I’m looking forward to my bed

That is a rough exact of what my brain says to this matter.I just want to say whatever your doing on the internet, think before you hit enter in a world of screen shots it can be an extremely hard, embarrassing place. Protect yourself and remember if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, don’t say it online. Spread love and positivity in this world of hate so that hopefully tomorrow can be a better place. 

Today has been a challenging day. I began the day feeling okay! Then my world turned up side down and I’ve been freaked out most of the day. I have massive trust issues.. I either trust too easy or I don’t trust at all. And recently I’ve been trusting too much which has caused a lot of problems and upset for me. I want to talk to people to make friends, to share my mental health experiences. I have no issue with females as of yet, but I seem to have issues trusting men. I know I have issue trusting men because of ex’s in the past.

I feel vulnerable and upset that people seem to always want to use me and take advantage of my kindness to control me. I understand because I’m mentally unwell that I do need support but males seem to take it too far without realising it’s inappropriate.

I am still rather upset and the stress of today is causing me a lot of pain. As I have no clue what emotion I am or how I feel 9/10, my body tells me when I’m going through stress or turmoil.

Online it is hard to judge someone’s character, I always assume the best until I’m proven otherwise.. which I feel is something I need to change.

That is a rough exact of what my brain says to this matter.I just want to say whatever your doing on the internet, think before you hit enter in a world of screen shots it can be an extremely hard, embarrassing place. Protect yourself and remember if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, don’t say it online. Spread love and positivity in this world of hate so that hopefully tomorrow can be a better place. 

Thought of the day: From my brain to yours.

Today I am feeling hopeful and optimistic. I am filled with thoughts in my head of my life and my future. This week has been a rough week. I have seen a couple of medical professionals and had my medication changed. I’m also being promised and referred to more support and therapies probably why I’m feeling more positive. When I feel that I’m being taken seriously or when i know i have support coming it seems to up lift me for a short time. Today is a quiet day at home, the weather is grey and the birds are singing. There seems to be a plane flying over the house currently and the noise is a soothing sound. The cat is quietly sleeping on my bed. I feel very sleepy am sitting on the floor enjoying the sound of my keyboard while watching ghost adventures. I’m having a lot of time to think and I have a lot of leads to research into. I hope you are enjoying my blog, I’m still learning so please be patient with me, and I’m also dyslexic so enjoy any spelling or grammar mistakes. I wish you all a happy day and look forward to writing to you all soon.

That is a rough exact of what my brain says to this matter.I just want to say whatever your doing on the internet, think before you hit enter in a world of screen shots it can be an extremely hard, embarrassing place. Protect yourself and remember if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, don’t say it online. Spread love and positivity in this world of hate so that hopefully tomorrow can be a better place. 

Hello and again welcome to the thoughts from my head to yours!

This is part two of mental health and social media!

The positive happy side!

ANWAYS i’m sick of the negatives, the world is full of negatives so times for some positives. The mental health communities online,the positive ones,can feel like miracles. To know you actually AREN’T alone and that people out there are going through similar issues, who share there stories so you feels slightly better about things. Online in the last 6 months i made a twitter account to try to connect with people with the same or similar mental disorders to try and create a support network in a desperate plea to find any type of support. I wasn’t expecting much I’m not going to lie BUT to my surprise i have connected with so many kind caring individuals who have made me feel like I’ve found a longer lost family. To connect with people who go through the same type of struggles on a daily basis has really helped me to accepted within myself that people live with my struggles healthy and happily. Obviously not happy or healthily 24/7 but at an extent they can even like leave there house and be social and have a job. It sounds ridiculous because when being diagnosed i knew the world has many of people with the same struggles, i was told all the facts and given the leaflets. Its not the same as connecting with others, nothing in my mind is the same. We swap tips and tricks, we support and boost each other. We know that in a way we are lucky because of what we “have” makes us different, makes and shapes us to who we are. Some people within the communities are completely anonymous and don’t share any personal information, some people are semi anonymous like myself so that also leaves some people that are completely open with personal information. When i talk about personal info i mean like name country age etc. 

I am proud to be part of the community I’m in, I still accepting myself and to have role models that i can look up to has had a really positive affect on me. I enjoy being able to share my achievements because to others who don’t have the disorders i do wouldn’t be able to properly understand the significance of getting dressed and having breakfast. I find that you have to be comfortable with what you will be happy to share and on what social media. I personally stay private about certain information on my twitter for example. People use social media positively in the way that they are comfortable with, they tend to choose certain social media to share on as well. They choose the social media that they feel like they can connect with others on the best. I have gone off tumblr now because for me it wasn’t a healthy media for me to share how i was feeling. I am not comfortable to share my thoughts and feelings on instagram because I already use that for my personal account. I don’t use Facebook to share because i only really use Facebook to meet up with old school friends and watch videos on animals ngl. I have twitter the best to use as I’m now trying to teach myself to express myself and my emotions through words so that hopefully one day i can express how i feel in speech to others when they ask. Currently the conversation goes flat within the second question, which is usually something along the lines of why are you feeling like this? 

I tweet what i can in the words i can and i find that some times people will like or retweet what i said because its how the feel too and they can connect that way. Or some days I struggle to get the typing out to express how i feel but others tweet it and i am finally able to put words to how i am feeling. Honestly that is one of the best feelings with twitter. Or someone replies to the tweet being like yes i get this i understand! And that there is the connection, even if it is the weirdest thing you have tweeted about, you still have that one person who could be half way around the world, but that doesn’t matter because theres another person out there who is feeling like how you are. In a world full of billions and billions of people i think to have just one person understand some days brings me to tears. Its relief and i feel guilty saying relief because some days its a bad thought, but you can express this feeling, then the other person can usually understand because theres a link. 

In this world of as I’ve mentioned quiet a few people live, the hate and the destruction, means that if i’am lucky even to even spend part of my day encouraging, sharing, connecting and supporting to others and getting the same in return, i feel like my faith in humanity is restored.

I have just now spur of the moment to have this section at the bottom of each blog :

  I just want to say whatever your doing on the internet, think before you hit enter in a world of screen shots it can be an extremely hard, embarrassing place. Protect yourself and remember if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, don’t say it online. Spread love and positivity in this world of hate so that hopefully tomorrow can be a better place. 

Hello readers and welcome to my first blog post. First of all i want to state I’m not a mental health professional and my blog posts are going to be about MY PERSONAL thoughts which i know not everyone will agree with but at least i hope that you will be about to see my point of view. 

When it comes to social media and mental health i believe that it can all depend on what you are searching for and where your mind set is. If you are going to go on social media to purposely and actively look for negative post imagines etc then it can’t be a surprise to you that you will find hidden in the darker corners of the internet what you are looking for. Let me state when i write purposely and actively looking for i mean you go into google, tumblr, twitter etc type something negative,  you will find something harmful or negative. I don’t believe in any way shape or form that you should have ANY access to these things online.It only encourages and promotes bad negative parts of society. I’m also not going to be too explicit because i believe you can work it out what i mean , and even if you can’t then DON’T go searching for it. But i also understand that to remove these photos, videos, and texts etc from the internet would be a challenge. I do agree that there needs to be better internet safety rules because i feel sick to my stomach with whats already on social media.You have to have a certain look and act a certain way and wear these clothes like this and i honestly CANT stand it! These models and insta famous people pretending that there life is actually like this is such a joke. I use my social media to show people parts of my life that i want to show! If i think my cat or dog looks cute i will want to share it with the world. I don’t post every day, i can go for weeks or months on social medias without posting. I choose the parts of my life that mean things to me to show people, not in a showy off way but just to show people if for example you go to this place this was my experience and hey if you go what is your experience type of way! I guess you could say that I want show parts of life like places or sunsets that can be celebrated and enjoyed by everyone! Showing people that there are parts of the world that are real can exist and you can experience it! I get people who post their hobbies and fashion etc thats in my mind its like their cv, it shows that they are celebrating this part of their life and want to share it with those they know because they are proud. and i notice I’m rambling sorry back to the post i feel very strongly about this type of thing. 

To state simply i believe negativity and darkness lurks within us all no matter how hard people try to hide it or ignore it. No matter what you post or don’t post on social media people can assume whatever they want about it or some scientific person somewhere will write a post about what this can all mean, which then can cause you to see your heartfelt memories from the point of view from someone who you will probably never meet which can turn those heart felt memories to painful nightmares. People can be whatever and whoever they want on social media, and with that comes the negative as well. Luckily very slowly communities of people on social media are connecting through their personal experiences of the mental health journey’s, writing what they are actually experiencing, the highs and lows. You get the positive  and negative communities though, and i find the negative communities to be the more harmful obviously. You can have people who are encouraging negative behaviours in others, possibly extremely negative behaviours that can cause serious harm. In mind my this is where the line needs to be drawn. I have been a user of tumblr personally and i won’t lie if your in a negative state of mind you can easily find harmful content, i can’t remember if they have the safety warnings or not when you search negatively, i believe they do but i know when your in that frame of mind you’re more likely to ignore what they say. We have freedom of speech on the internet compared to most countries in the world. We have the right to speak our minds and what we want but i think that the internet should have better precautions some how so that the younger people on the internet have more safety. When your young you believe you know what is right for you but i am speaking from my own experiences you don’t but i can accept everyone makes mistakes and most of the time we want to make our own mistakes. You learn from experiences both good and bad. The internet much like a city is fully of mostly strangers, and with that i think the same policies should apply. If they are a stranger online you do not know there real identity, even if you think you do. The amount of tv shows that there are out that showing the dangers of for example catfishing. Don’t give out personal information, don’t tell strangers where you live like you have to protect yourself.  

That is a rough exact of what my brain says to this matter.I just want to say whatever your doing on the internet, think before you hit enter in a world of screen shots it can be an extremely hard, embarrassing place. Protect yourself and remember if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, don’t say it online. Spread love and positivity in this world of hate so that hopefully tomorrow can be a better place. 

Hello and welcome to my blog ☺️ please be patient with me I’m slowly finishing off my first couple of posts ☺️